you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
