i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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