She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
