Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
