The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
