you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
