I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
