I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
