you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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