if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
