Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
