Dude my mom stole all your condoms
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
