i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
