You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
