i just google imaged poop.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
