this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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