I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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