I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
