i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
