I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
