I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
