So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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