sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
