To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A+ Viking dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
