so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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