True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
