Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
