Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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