saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
