God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
