I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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