The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
