go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
