she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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