I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
