you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
