I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
