The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
