For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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