My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
