4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My cat gives me a boner
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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