i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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