I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
