There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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