At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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