:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I cut my penus on the lid.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
