if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
