He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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