I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
