eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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