$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
