JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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